Feed your coins into the face of this bank, and it stares at you as its face churns, eating your coins.

Hey, it’s me, Toad, from the Mario games. Come with Toad. It is safe. Toad knows where to have a lot of fun here in the abandoned part of town. It’s free. Come with Toad.

This is, unless you’re like me, and you spend hours each day digging through Amazon, the best customer review you’re going to see all day.

PureLyft is an “energy stir stick” that dissolves in a glass of water to release caffeine, sweetener, and flavoring. Most of the reviews note that it tastes terrible, which is an accomplishment, because companies have been mixing water, flavorings, and caffeine together for decades. Unsurprisingly, it’s “frequently bought with” the caffeine-vape I wrote about earlier this month.

It is simply described as “Material: PLYWOOD”, but the price of this clock will surprise you. 

Even if the print or bolting a carabiner to a metal mug made sense, the lone, sad review said that the ink ran off when she washed it the first time.      

Summer approaches, and this year, you’re going to want this swimsuit covered in the text from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Finally, you can answer “yes” to the question posed on this t-shirt.