Monthly Archives: December 2017

Steampunk Alphabet


The Steampunk Alphabet, a childrens’ book, may be weirdly dated, since I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone use the word “steampunk” unironically in the past five years. At least it’s not Steampunk ABC, a book that was published a year after Steampunk Alphabet, whose author apparently thought “Great idea! Me too!” upon seeing the first book.

As cringe-inducing as both of these may be, though, neither holds a candle to Baby Loves Thermodynamics, one of a series of books intended to teach advanced physics concepts to toddlers, and which must somehow dodge the implications of the Second Law Of Thermodynamics: that the entropy in the universe is ever-increasing, and that eventually, long after we are gone, its free energy will asymptotically decrease to zero. I guess it beats telling your kids that God is bowling when it thunders.

American Ketchup: The Condiment Gun


Is a hot dog, technically speaking, a sandwich?

Is ketchup an appropriate condiment for a hot dog?

Leaving aside these two unanswerable questions, the Condiment Gun can be loaded with any viscous condiment, and when the trigger is pulled, it dispenses your ketchup, mustard, mayo, bbq, ranch, or whatever it is you put on your food. Customer reviews are mixed, with some saying it doesn’t work at all, but universally ignoring the fact that using a gun to shoot your food is insane. So is using salt and pepper shakers shaped like shotgun shells, or making ice cubes shaped like handguns. But we’re so far down this path that it’s not entirely clear when or where the cultural slide towards murder even happened, in whole or in part. In 2017, you hang your sign that spells out your name using guns, and give it your best thoughts and prayers that tomorrow you won’t be on the wrong end of someone’s condiment gun.

Cheftronic 4 In 1


“Do a variety of delicious foods,” implores the manufacturer of Cheftronic 4 In 1, in an attempt to sell you a combination stand mixer-blender-meat grinder-heat bowl. (They call this a heat bowl, and we would be wrong to disagree.)

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