Monthly Archives: December 2017

This Year’s Cards Against Humanity Ripoff


The immensely-popular game Cards Against Humanity has spurred countless third-party expansions and knockoffs. While previous years’ products have mostly gone down the rabbit hole of “anti-political correctness,” there are a few this year which have branded themselves as being the family-friendly version of Cards Against Humanity. This is not true – the game that inspired CAH, Apples To Apples, is the family-friendly version of Cards Against Humanity. It was also released ten years prior to CAH and does not have cards with baked-in racism, misogyny, and anti-semitism. (Of course, if the words “a big black dick”,  ”two midgets shitting into a box”, or “kids with ass cancer” make you have a giggle fit, then you may prefer CAH.)

Regardless, Cards Against Profanity takes the lead as the most bald-faced copy, aping the look, feel, and two thirds of the name of CAH. Kids Create Absurdity is a similar product, as is Not Parent Approved, a game which deserves some credit for not entirely photocopying the idea of CAH that was photocopied from Apples To Apples.

Prank Candle


The scent on this “Apple Pie” candle changes to what the manufacturer describes as “Dirty Fart” after several hours of burning. Unfortunately, this requires your victim to open the candle up and light it. This means the most likely scenario is that in several months or years, you’ll ask your friend about the candle, and they’ll lie and say they used it and it smelled great.

Seedling Parker, The Augmented-Reality Bear


Seedling Parker is a teddy bear that’s also an app. Your child uses their tablet or phone to interact with the stuffed animal, accumulating points for maintaining his health, in an innovative way to completely eliminate imagination from stuffed-animal play. It also transforms physical interaction with a toy into app time, as the concept of “augmented reality” means that you must view the toy through your screen in order for its features to work.



SantaCam is a fake video camera you set out before Christmas to intimidate your children into “being good” lest their presents be revoked. It has a blinking red LED for realism, and it’s a great way to teach your kids that privacy is an illusion. Depending on their beliefs, the children subjected to SantaCam would generally believe one of three things:

1. An omniscient, remote authoritarian is watching them 24 hours a day.

2. Their parents do not grant them privacy, and are willing to surveill them continuously to deny them privacy.

3. Their parents value compliance over truth.

None of these are healthy ways to interact with your children. That’s why SantaCam has such poor – ah, never mind, it mostly has five-star reviews.

French Dip Bath


These bath salts have the fragrance of roast beef, a scent not traditionally associated with bathing or beauty products. It’s supposed to be a prank of some sort, I guess, but on the other hand, there’s apparently a market for bacon-scented mustaches.


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