Monthly Archives: December 2017

Soap With A Hole


You might think this “Pecker Polisher” soap is, if nothing else, a unique product. Unfortunately, you’d be wrong. It’s also sold as Dick Soap, Willy Washer, Cock Soap, Hose Cleaner, Naughty Soap, and Plumbers’ Soap. I can’t tell whether the manufacturer is trying to target different demographics by packaging it so many different ways, or if they’ve all been failures so far, and they truly believe you can make a fortune selling a ten-dollar piece of soap with a hole in it, so they persist.

One Fast Cat Exercise Wheel


“Please do not buy this wheel if you are not willing to train your cat,” warns the manufacturer of One Fast Cat Exercise Wheel. But even if you can train your cat, and even if your cat would like running on a wheel, the long list of one-star reviews say that this cat exercise wheel comes apart during use and tips over easily.

The GoPet, a different pet exercise wheel which clocks in at over five hundred dollars, seems to work more reliably. Though, as one reviewer notes, “it’s a torture for me, to keep my cat in there.”

Baby’s First AR-15 Shirt


Your newborn baby, unfortunately, has a few more years until he or she can get their hands on an assault rifle. Members of Congress are working around the clock to give your infant the right to own a gun, and in the meantime, this baby’s AR-15 shirt, which also calls the reader “little bitch,” is a step in the right direction. You’ll also need the “Come And Take It” baby bib, ringed in a pleasant lavender color, implying that your tiny child is already terrified the government will take their assault rifle.

Meditation Seat


For centuries, meditation has been an effective technique to focus and calm the mind. Now, in 2017, it’s been revealed that you actually need this $346.99 chair to meditate. Which sucks, because I thought that you could do it literally anywhere, indoors or out, on the floor, or even the ground.

This Year’s Cards Against Humanity Ripoff


The immensely-popular game Cards Against Humanity has spurred countless third-party expansions and knockoffs. While previous years’ products have mostly gone down the rabbit hole of “anti-political correctness,” there are a few this year which have branded themselves as being the family-friendly version of Cards Against Humanity. This is not true – the game that inspired CAH, Apples To Apples, is the family-friendly version of Cards Against Humanity. It was also released ten years prior to CAH and does not have cards with baked-in racism, misogyny, and anti-semitism. (Of course, if the words “a big black dick”,  ”two midgets shitting into a box”, or “kids with ass cancer” make you have a giggle fit, then you may prefer CAH.)

Regardless, Cards Against Profanity takes the lead as the most bald-faced copy, aping the look, feel, and two thirds of the name of CAH. Kids Create Absurdity is a similar product, as is Not Parent Approved, a game which deserves some credit for not entirely photocopying the idea of CAH that was photocopied from Apples To Apples.

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