Monthly Archives: December 2017

Grilled Cheese Toaster

grilled-cheese-toaster

The idea of a grilled-cheese toaster seems appealing, even if you’ve mastered the art of combining bread and cheese in a pan on the stove. Unfortunately, the customer reviews are overwhelmingly negative, with some saying it doesn’t get hot enough to melt the cheese, and others saying that one side burns the bread while the other doesn’t toast at all, or that it arrived physically and functionally broken.

You could buy some toaster bags made of woven fiberglass to make grilled cheese in a normal toaster, if you can’t let go of the idea of toastering a grilled cheese. Or you can roll your cheese-squares up and stick them down into the holes in this Hot Dog Toaster, a countertop device which allows you to push hot dogs and buns down into it to cook them. Nothing is real, everything is permitted.



T-Rex Hatching Egg Candle

t-rex-hatching-candle-egg

The idea of a t-rex hatching from an egg-shaped candle is cute, but the problem lies in the fact that before you burn it, you’ve only got an egg made of wax. After you burn it, you’ve just got a dinosaur. Only the transition state, the dinosaur emerging from the wax as the candle burns, is interesting, but it only happens once, and for $45.

“But that’s the beauty of it! It only happens once!” Yeah, well, go see a local band play four times, or go for a walk in the woods infinite times for free.

If you’re fixated on the idea of burning a candle to reveal something inside, PyroPet was first to market with this idea, and the metal cat skeleton inside might be worth the cost and process, if you’re into tiny cat skeletons.



The Long-Leg Bear

joyfay-long-leg-bear

If you haven’t yet seen this “6.5 foot” bear, it’s evident from only one of the manufacturer’s photos (and the numerous customer reviews) that the manufacturer attempts to fools the eye with perspective, and the bear actually has long, dangly legs that make up about half of its height.

If you have already seen the long-legged bear, then this actually-nine-foot-tall teddy bear is worth seeing, if not for the bear itself, then for the manufacturer’s insistence that “you will receive brand new merchandise (that has never been outdoors).” I wasn’t thinking it had been outdoors until you said that, guys.



Mensch On A Bench

mensch-on-a-bench

Chag Sameach to all those who celebrate Hanukkah. You’ll be intrigued to see that Mensch On A Bench gives Hanukkah more of what Christmas has got: cheap toys sold as “a new tradition,” in an attempt to Sweetest Day their way into making money. Hanukkah bears less religious significance than Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but given that it falls around Christmas, and involves gift-giving, marketers have been seizing on it as a chance to build their Christmas sales from a demographic that doesn’t usually spend money on Christmas presents.

Curiously, Elf On The Shelf’s full name is “The Elf On The Shelf: A Christmas Tradition.” Thankfully, as of the time of this writing, there’s no Monk On The Trunk, Prophet On The Soffit, or Brahmin On The Ottoman.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.