The Worst Things For Sale

“PP Shots” is a ten-dollar clear piece of plastic that holds a photo to the inside of your toilet.

Despite the fact that “Forever Comfy” sounds like a blanket to put on a dead person inside a coffin, it is instead a cushion. A single, nineteen-dollar cushion. And, according to reviewers, after you sit on it, it never returns to its original size, implying that it’s Once Comfy, not “Forever.”

I still haven’t figured out whether it’s related in any way to “Forever Lazy,” the one-piece depression pajama.

This electrical outlet pops out of the wall when you need to use it. Which actually makes it more obtrusive than a regular electrical outlet, which stays flush to the wall. And the form factor means you can’t plug in wall-wart transformers, or bulky power adapters. But, hey, what do you want for only forty bucks?

Oh, you want forty regular electrical outlets for that price? Oh. Okay.

In the ’00s, party-supply manufacturers got used to making glasses with the two middle digits of the year. When 2010 rolled around, they said “fuck it, just put a hole in the one.” I will marvel at this every year.

You might think a “vagina toaster” is something you’d use during the winter to stay warm, but you’d be wrong. It’s a toaster that burns a picture of a vagina into a piece of bread. Well, kind of a vagina. I’ve blurred the image here just in case, but you can see the uncensored one on the product listing if you must.

I covered the single-beer holster last month. Here’s one that holds six cans instead of a single bottle. I’m not sure whether the dirty white t-shirt is better or worse than the polo-and-dad-jeans of the last one.

I think the idea of a “man cave” is cringeworthy, and this $39 wall decal with “Man Cave Rules” explains why. It’s not a masculine room if it has a word decal on the wall and you can pick from 29 colors, including “Mustard”, “Key Lime”, “Blue Grey” and “Antique Violet.”

Yeah, bro, this antique violet lettering is a true display of my celebration of masculinity. Want a beer? Here you go– whoa, whoa! No, bro! Don’t throw that cap into the trash! Put it in my satin flower basket! WAIT NO I MEAN MY MAN RECYCLING BIN. NO LAUGHING BRO IT MATCHES MY WHITE SATIN CHAIR COVER. I MEAN MY MAN-BUTT HOLDER. I MEAN SPORTS. BEER ME.