The Worst Things For Sale

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Who likes to fake-fart? To make a long story short: children, and also the Weird Uncle character you have at work. Le Tooter is for the hard-core fartfucker, whose use of Fart Machine was unsatisfactory, and found Fart Machine #2 to be more realistic, yet still not tooty enough to be convincing. A spritz of Liquid Ass, the fecal smell-spray, completes the Weird Office Uncle package.

This square pillowcase, printed to look like a giant bag of weed, hides a pillow, and also has a small internal zippered pocket to hide your weed. That is, if putting weed inside a humongous ziplock bag labeled “Sour Diesel” counts as hiding it.

Better inside a pillow than inside a weed tampon designed to hide weed, I suppose.

This is a stylus ring, so you can use your finger as a stylus to operate your smartphone. Finally, you’ll be able to use the tip of your finger to access your favorite apps and send messages. It’s more expensive than Touchscreen Finger Condoms, but, hey… it’s worth it.

“Pop a Cap In Your Glass,” says the manufacturer of these gun-shaped ice molds. It’s a good thing that gun violence isn’t a problem in America, or this would be in extremely poor taste. There’s also an ice-cube tray that makes tiny AK-47s, in case you need a fully-automatic cold drink.

Of course, it’s the “I (shoot) MY DAD” pint glass that’s the cherry on the sundae of this terrible idea. Patricide isn’t just for the Romans!

“Be the life of the party,” the manufacturer of this inflatable-penis costume claims. Not sure about that, but you can definitely be the weird dick at the party. (I had to blur it here, but you can see the human-sized penis on the listing, if that’s how you live your life.)

Scrubbing your skin with a poofy loofah is “for girls,” says Axe, introducing the Axe Detailer, which is a loofah. But for men. It’s not a princess exfoliator for prettiness. It’s a hardware detailer for a man’s big, hard muscles. Maybe two guys get in the shower together, and Axe Detail each other, to make sure they get it all. Fuck yeah, bro. Men rule.