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Dinosaur Erotica

mating-raptor

“Think you’ve bated to the good stuff?” the man asked me, taking a drag off his cigarette. The butt glowed orange, illuminating the dark alley. I nodded, and he laughed. “You haven’t even scratched the surface, kid.” He reached into his briefcase and handed me a copy of Mating With The Raptor. “This lady fucks a raptor. A dinosaur raptor. A real one, that’s alive.”

Shaking off my disbelief, I walked away, hurriedly tucking the dinoporn into my jacket pocket. “Wait,” he called after me. “You forgot something.” As I approached him once more, he handed me Mounted By The Gryphon, Ravished By The Triceratops, and Taken By The Pterodactyl. “Now get home before that boner of yours explodes and takes out a pedestrian.”

Ice Cream Lock

icecreamlock

The Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream lock is a cute idea, but seriously… if you don’t want to share a pint of ice cream, you can eat the whole thing. It’s only 1,400 calories. For shit’s sake, this is America. If you can’t put away 1,400 calories of ice cream in one sitting, you’re not even in the 50th-percentile of ice-cream eaters in this country.



AdderRX: Ingredients, health problems & side effects

adderrx

AdderRX, sold as an “Adderall alternative”, is a jumble of stimulants and nootropics marketed to students. It contains the FDA-banned compound DMAA (1,3-dimethylamine), a stimulant which has caused dozens of health problems, including 5 deaths, since 2008. It also contains synephrine, a chemical that fell out of use in the 1930s, displaced by vasodilators/stimulants that were more effective with fewer side effects. Mixed in with these two shitty drugs are caffeine, vinpocetine, schizandrol, citicoline, and hordenine, all of which raise your blood pressure and, apart from caffeine, are relatively new and untested.

The manufacturer even has the gall to refer to it as “Nuphetamine” in parentheses, suggesting that it is an amphetamine derivative, but no, it’s a quasi-legal mix of heart-explosion chemicals with unknown side effects.









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