Love Is Art: The Fuck Painting


“Love Is Art” is a $50 kit consisting of a piece of fabric and a bottle of paint. You put the paint on you and your partner’s body, fuck on the canvas, let it dry, and then hang it up. Then, probably, if you’re the kind of person who thinks this is cool, whenever someone asks, you smile creepily and say “That print was made by making love.”

Or, if you’re not a weirdo, you try it out of being a good sport and find that the paint dries fast and doesn’t come off your body, leaving you scrubbing your body and screaming in the shower (2 stars out of 5.)

iStun: The “stun gun” shaped like an iPhone


The iStun is a “stun gun” with a sticker on the front to make it look kind of like an iPhone. Unlike a tazer, a stun gun’s blunt probes won’t work through clothing or let you be anywhere except next to your assailant, physically touching his skin with your fake iPhone. But maybe it makes you feel better, just by having it in your pocket, even if you don’t use it. So maybe it’s a lot like an iPhone after all.

Bigfoot Fuckin’


Following in the footsteps of “Bigfoot Made Me Gay”, sort of, is “Naked in the Forest,” which is a tale of Bigfoot molesting the author at a young age, and her subsequent return to the forest to repeat the experience.

A third author, seizing the opportunity to jump into the Bigfoot-fuckin’ genre, has written “Bigfoot Depravity,” a tale of Bigfoot slipping the squatch to a captive, tied-down woman, for the entertainment of an audience of rich men.

Wood-burning hot tub


This $3,500 hot tub is a plastic bowl with a metal tube sticking out of the side that functions as a heat exchanger.


The good news is that it’s safe for children, if you consider an open flame three feet away from a child to be safe.


“Pure” Protein


Protein contains 4 calories per gram. “Pure Protein” protein bars have 200 calories each, and 20g of protein each. So only 40% of the calories actually come from protein. I’d hate to try their “Non-Poisonous Bars”, which would only be 40% non-poisonous.

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