The Dipr: A Cookie Tool


If you eat so many cookies-soaked-in-milk that you need a special utensil to lower them into your glass, I would suggest that the utensil isn’t solving your real problem. It’s solving the problem you think you have, while you slowly murder your body with cookies.

Death comes for everyone, it’s just a matter of whether or not you want that particular line on the coroner’s report to read “cookies.”


Just a reminder – if you find something for sale that you think I might like, you can send a link to and I’ll check it out.

Tag Away


“Tag Away”, which claims to be seen on television (what channel? the Skin Tag Network?) also claims that it removes skin tags. Which it doesn’t, because it’s homeopathic, meaning it doesn’t contain any active ingredients.

Somehow, though, where most homeopathic treatments consist of just water, Tag Away manages to pack some foul-smelling “natural” ingredients into its $16.49 half-ounce bottle, a combination of leaf oils and “other natural ingredients.” Customers report that, as you might expect, it doesn’t work, and it smells like shit.

Whiskey Stones


“Whiskey stones” have been a popular item for the past couple of years. They cool your drink without watering it down, which is true, to a small extent. The problem is that stone is much, much worse at cooling your drink than ice. Let’s look at the math.

The specific heat of water is 1 cal/g, which means it takes 1 calorie of heat to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius. The specific heat of soapstone (as in these whiskey stones) is 4.1 cal/g. So, soapstone can cool your drink with one-fourth the equivalent mass of liquid water.

However, the process of melting one gram of ice into one gram of water at the same temperature takes 79.7 cal/g. Which means one gram of ice melting into one gram of water at zero Celsius is about 19 times more powerful than one gram of cold soapstone at zero Celsius, in terms of cooling down your bourbon.

The melting process, not the heat capacity of water, is what makes ice cool drinks so efficiently. That’s probably why most of the customer reviews for most of the whiskey stones I found online complained that they don’t keep your drink cold.

Cabana Islander


The Cabana Islander holds up to 6 people. Impractical in a swimming pool, it’s really only useful in a big body of water, like an ocean, where you might fall asleep and drift out to sea.

The only good thing about this $364 piece of inflatable plastic is that when you do, inevitably, wake up somewhere over the horizon, you’ve got up to five other family members or friends to eat. Just make sure you bring someone weak when you set sail for disaster, since you’ll need to conserve as much energy as possible in the process of overpowering them to eat their body.

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