Martin Loofah King


“I have a clean!” Thanks once again, capitalism, for reminding us that one of the greatest Americans in history can be reduced to a joke for a few thousand bucks. We laugh and destroy the few people willing to put their lives at stake to ensure a better future for the next generation. One day the sun will swallow the Earth, and the rest of the universe will breathe a sigh of relief.

Digital Scale Measuring Cup


I briefly owned one of these digital-scale measuring cups. It was hand-wash only, and when I begrudgingly hand-washed it, it stopped working. Water got in the base, or the handle, or somewhere, and it never weighed anything again. According to the customer reviews, I’m not the only one who this happened to.

If you want to throw $22.77 in the trash, I suggest you do it a better way, like converting it all to pennies and dropping them one-by-one into the spiral coin thing at the science museum.

iPad stand, iPad keyboard


I’ve never understood ipad stands and ipad keyboards. If you want a crummy computer that doesn’t do much, you can get one for $250. It’s called a “laptop.”

Helpfully, the manufacturer of this “keyboard case cover” notes that the back-light on the keys can be set to seven different colors. Because that’ll let you run actual programs on your iPad instead of games that force you to pay ninety-nine cents every time you want an extra turn, right?

(I should note that I have an iPad, but that I don’t try to do anything productive on it, unless you consider losing at Scrabble and cussing at an iPad to be productive.)

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