The Passionate & Objective Jokerfan: Music Spam


In what seems to be an attempt to spam the entire music industry, a man named Matt Farley has recorded thousands of songs and set them out for sale online. “The Passionate & Objective Jokerfan” is one of his pseudonyms, and he has released ELEVEN albums under this name alone. Using the same, uh, “musical style.”

If you must, listen to “Katy Perry, You Make Good Songs” or probably any song from the album titled “Nice Man Sings Song For The People Songs Yes Now Cover Up.”

He’s got dozens of pseudonyms (The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals, The Paranormal Song Warrior, The New York Sports Band, etc.) but probably the best is “The Birthday Band For Old People,” where he has recorded 17 albums’ worth of songs wishing a happy birthday to a specific person’s name. “Happy Birthday Bart”, “Happy Birthday Brenda”, and so on, over and over.

Saffron extract: Dr. Oz Strikes Again


Saffron is, biologically speaking, the dried stigmas of the crocus flower. It’s orange in color and used culinarily for its color and scent. It contains small amounts of terpenes and other organic compounds (like safranal) which are weak antioxidants and mild anticonvulsants, but as you might imagine, saffron extract does not cause a person’s appetite to be diminished. Nor does it cause thermogenesis (the most common pharmaceutical method of weight-loss.)

Like many of the supplement fads of the past few years, it was pushed by Dr. Oz, a television doctor who is paid by supplement companies to promote their products. Dr. Oz has also been directly responsible for the Garcinia Cambogia fad/scam, promoting it heavily in 2012 despite widespread scientific studies showing it has no appetite-suppression or thermogenesis-promoting properties.

Before garcinia, Dr. Oz promoted green coffee-bean extract and raspberry ketones as weight-loss supplements. No peer-reviewed study has proven that either of these supplements induce weight loss, either.

Given the fact that Dr. Oz has a history of promoting homeopathy in addition to one weight-loss scam after another, it only stands to reason that he just last month published a book called “You: The Owner’s Manual,” a book that tells you how to be healthier and younger. It’s a #1 New York Times bestseller. It has sold over a million copies.


GPS tracker for a car


This $43 GPS tracker apparently works just fine, but now you are aware that anyone who has $40 to spare can monitor where your car is at all times, and, if they’re able to pop your hood to do a full install, they can cut your car’s power remotely at any time. Not creepy at all.

The Accomodator


The Original Accomodator is a dildo attached to a head-strap so you can wear the dildo on your chin. I have pixellated it in case you’re not in the mood to see such a thing, but there are several pictures on the product listing if you want to get Accomodated.

Bizarrely, there is a SECOND product called The Accomodator, which I guess is why the first one called itself The Original Accomodator. The non-original Accomodator also has a dildo, and a strap, but to use it, you… well… maybe it’s best if you just go see the incredibly not-safe-for-work picture and description of it.

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