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Fat Man In A Barrel

fat-man-in-a-barrel

You’ve got to hand it to the makers of Fat Man In A Barrel, a humongous dildo I’ve pixellated for obvious reasons. (You can see it on the manufacturer’s listing, if you’ve got a need to do that.) Not just for making something so huge it’s unlikely many people would ever be able to use it, but for coming up with an innocuous name so un-dildo-like that still describes their dildo perfectly.

Notable for the exact opposite reason is Kaylen’s Hand Butt Plug, which is shaped, apparently, exactly like Kaylen’s hand. Whoever that may be. Hope you’re getting royalties from that hand-modeling job, Kaylen.



Baby Bitch

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The “Baby On Board” signs, which first became popular in 1985, have finally been parodied. You’re only 30 years late, guys, and it’s also ambiguous as to whether the car is the bitch, or the mom is the bitch.

Not that I agree with calling anyone a bitch. It’s just imprecise.



Bioenergetic Homeopathic Imprinter

apex-bioenergetic-imprinter

What is the Apex Bioenergetic Homeopathic Imprinter? Obviously, to you and me, it’s a medical scam being sold for over $500 to gullible people in search of a cure for their ailment. But the manufacturer says it “captures the body’s bioresonance” and causes a “healing response.” Which are definitely real things.

I strongly urge you to read the long, insane description they’ve provided themselves, since I don’t have the space for it here.



Diseases Caused By Masturbation

diseases-caused-by-masturbation

You wouldn’t think that a discredited pseudo-scientific treatise from the 1700s would still be in print, but:

1. Here it is

2. Thousands of people online today abide by a doctrine they call “no fap,” claiming that abstinence from masturbation cures their social and physical illnesses.

There’s also “Images You Should Not Masturbate To,” though that’s a more recent book, whose cover appears to show a naked Ron Paul chopping through a frozen lake with an axe.









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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.