The Worst Things For Sale

It’s over. Amazon won. We lost. Alexa, open the pod bay doors.

The Babymop is a one-piece romper you put on your toddler so they clean your floor as they crawl and roll around on it. It sounds good, at first, until you realize that you’ve either got to put your baby on a filthy floor, or clean it before you put them on it in the Babymop, which it defeats the point.

This 1960s Battleship game is a small reminder that “the good old days” and “the way things used to be” doesn’t necessarily refer to a better time for everyone.

This plastic juice-box brags that it’s a “healthy alternative to artificial juice boxes.” I’m not sure how filling a $12 plastic container with sugar-water is suddenly healthy or not artificial. Many of the customers complained that it broke apart, leaving their kids with sharp plastic shards. And plastic isn’t eco-friendly, compared with the myriad of unbreakable (and still recyclable) 8-oz stainless-steel bottles made for kids.

You can’t put acidic fruit juice into a stainless-steel bottle, but that should help you comply with the American Association of Pediatrics’ suggestion that your child drinks no more than six ounces of fruit juice a day. Yeah, we drank a shitload of juice when we were kids, but we’re all fat now, so it might be a good idea.

This unit is three feet long and weighs over 50 pounds. It’s “designed for realism.”

“Tired of juggling your flashlight and spatula while you grill?” No, Grillight, I’m not. It never happens to me because I don’t grill in the middle of the night.

If it seems like the Grillight is the solution to your problem, you might want to think about your life, and ask yourself if having a lighted spatula is the true solution to the problems you have.

An umbrella styled to look like a sword is bad enough, and goes right along with the hoodies that look like knight’s armor. But check out the photo of the “model” carrying this thing on his back. It looks exactly like who you’d imagine would want one of these.

(Thanks to @dendycrew for the suggestion.)