Monthly Archives: July 2012

Binary clock

tumblr_m3znqoM7SL1rt7j2bo1_400

You like binary, you stupid fucking clock? Zeroes and ones? How about this? You like these binaries? (holds up two middle fingers) Smell the fuck you, binary clock, waste of $25-ass not telling me what time it is ass clock.



Western Digital MyBook external hard drive

tumblr_m5dj3y5emy1rt7j2bo1_500

The Western Digital MyBook 1TB hard drive is great for backups, if you don’t actually want to have your backup drive work when your regular hard drive fails and you need your files. It’s also great at breaking while you’re actively backing up files onto it.

And, sometimes, it won’t show up when you plug it in, but appear unannounced on your desktop two hours later, like a friend with a drug problem, mumbling “Hey, sup” with no mention of where they were or what they were doing.

Walden Farms Hell Sauce

tumblr_m5dfoalPO91rt7j2bo1_500

I’m a sucker for diet foods. Even with the knowledge that whole foods taste better, are healthier, and more satisfying, I will buy and taste and sometimes even eat diet foods.

Walden Farms Calorie-Free Peanut Spread is no exception to the rule. This company sells a long line of “calorie-free” products. To abide by FDA guidelines, this means it would (among other things) contain a negligible amount of carbohydrates, fat, protein, or alcohol. What does that leave? Artificial sweeteners, undigestible filler, and artificial flavoring.

If you’re wondering “how can they replicate the texture of peanut butter with cellulose gum and water?” the answer is that they can’t, and that they also used some fucked-up plastic instead of peanut flavoring, and then someone dipped an old yellow cum sock in it. Or they used Old Yellow Cum Sock #5.

I encourage you to read the customer reviews, not for the people saying it tastes horrible, but for the one guy who is really enthusiastic about how much he loves this stuff, and how he loves to eat it a lot. If that guy ever goes to prison, he’s gonna be pacing his cell all day muttering “Goddamn, how can I get some more of this great prison food?”



USB Cassette Tape Player

tumblr_m4e8gq8Dtj1rt7j2bo1_500

Just what you never wanted: A USB cassette tape player. Congratulations, science, you’ve finally advanced computer technology to the point where I can once again listen to the half-melted Ned’s Atomic Dustbin tape that’s been under my car seat for 14 years.

Me mates all ‘ave USB hair clippers, for the undercuts, innit, and Iain just nicked a sampler, ‘e’s gonna bang mad choons. Me mum’s got loads of USB scarves, we’ll put ‘em on and take a USB lorry to Madchester.








TWTFS is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. We are not affiliated with the manufacturers whose products appear on TWTFS.


Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.