Urine luck


Do you have any medical problem at all? Are you a fucked-up moron? Then you’re in luck. Thanks to the worldwide network of cranks that have brought us scams such as essential oils, Morgellon’s and homeopathy, you can now drink your own sunshine as a way to avoid real medical treatment. Fill dozens of 2-liters up with this miracle cure and set them all over your house, you gross, crazy idiot, and then tell everyone about how you rub yourself down with pee and drink it. “Those doctors don’t know what they’re talking about,” you say, sipping a martini glass full of kidney juice. “They’re just trying to make money.”

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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.