This Domo-Kun toaster is a great gift for the toast eater who prefers his bread half-untoasted, half-burned-to-shit.

You can’t fool me, Animal Crossing. I bought the original and played it, and it was fun, and then boring, so I turned it off. Then I bought the Nintendo DS version and I was like “Wait, this is the exact same game.” Then I bought the Wii version and it was also exactly the same. Maybe the animals talked more. I don’t remember. All I know is that if I want to pick fruit for hours and go in debt to buy a house I can do that in real life.

The new one supposedly has new features, which I’m guessing amount to “there’s more fruit to pick” and “if you pick fruit for 50 hours in a row you can get a new couch.”

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me…. four times… We won’t be fooled again.

If you eat so many cookies-soaked-in-milk that you need a special utensil to lower them into your glass, I would suggest that the utensil isn’t solving your real problem. It’s solving the problem you think you have, while you slowly murder your body with cookies.

Death comes for everyone, it’s just a matter of whether or not you want that particular line on the coroner’s report to read “cookies.”

Sexflesh, manufacturers of horrifying sex toys (like the Ride Me Transsexual, which I wrote about in March) have topped themselves with the Miniature Jerk Lady. This miniature silicone mold of a tied-up lady is eight inches long, and bears a smaller version of the “dead lady sex toy face” they’re so good at. (I can’t show the actual picture here on the blog, but you can click here to see it if you must.)

Just a reminder – if you find something for sale that you think I might like, you can send a link to drew@sharingmachine.com and I’ll check it out.

Take down those boring stars & stripes! Raise aloft your “Congratulations on Your Boob Job” flag! Or hang it at half-mast if your breast augmentation goes awry, as 25.8% of them do within ten years of surgery.

“Tag Away”, which claims to be seen on television (what channel? the Skin Tag Network?) also claims that it removes skin tags. Which it doesn’t, because it’s homeopathic, meaning it doesn’t contain any active ingredients.

Somehow, though, where most homeopathic treatments consist of just water, Tag Away manages to pack some foul-smelling “natural” ingredients into its $16.49 half-ounce bottle, a combination of leaf oils and “other natural ingredients.” Customers report that, as you might expect, it doesn’t work, and it smells like shit.