“Ever found yourself sitting at your desk all set to eat lunch and realize you have no utensils to use?” Yes, but you could keep a plastic fork in your desk, or a metal one, and not have to attach $8.49 worth of third-party pen caps to ballpoint pens and then have to use ballpoint pens to lift food to your mouth.

A common shared belief among delusional people is that “orbs” (specks of moisture or dust illuminated by a camera flash) are not artifacts of taking a picture with a flash, but rather, celestial beings from another plane. The author of this book reports that she was “mocked by family and friends about her obsession” until the Archangel Michael appeared to her. She doesn’t say what he told her, but I’m guessing it was “WoooOOOOOoooo write a crazy ass book wooooooooooOOOOO.”

If you ever need proof that you’re not as crazy as you could be, ask yourself: has God or an angel personally talked to me to tell me something? If no, then you could be worse.

The Potechi Potato Chip Grabber ($29) lets you eat potato chips, popcorn, or other snacks without getting your fingers greasy.

You know what else comes from Asia and does the same thing for $29 less than that? Chopsticks. Sorry if I just blew your mind.

“Semen volumizers” are supplements intended to make a man ejaculate more liquid when he ejaculates. The names range from punny to gross. There’s Cocked N Loaded, Ropex, SemenFX, Semenex, Spermomax With Yummy Cum, Maxocum, and Ball Refill, among others.

At least one of them promises 500% more semen on ejaculation, which sounds like a good way to bust a tube somewhere, or at least ruin a set of sheets. Maxocum says you’ll “SHOCK your partner with the BIGGEST overflowing load.” And Volutrex even says that you’ll ejaculate so much it will relieve your symptoms of depression.

My favorite out of these, though, is Speman. It’s $0.01 and the ingredients aren’t listed, but the manufacturer describes Speman as “a compound of natural ingredients.”  I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get Spemanned.

You may have already seen the video… but did you know there’s a Prancersize book?

The OUYA console was Kickstartered for $8.5 million last year and will finally be available next week. As with most Kickstarter projects, though, anyone who’s buying one now is beta-testing the platform, and reportedly running into problems with the controller, OS, and many of the games. The big-name titles that OUYA promised upon release are absent, leaving a handful of poorly-ported mobile-phone games, many of which still refer to “touching the screen” or don’t work correctly with the hardware.

There are no actual reviews yet, but a quick look at the discussion page shows dozens of people mad about the tiny list of available games and the lack of support from the manufacturer.

Of course, you don’t have to take it from me. Here’s a GIF from someone who already has an OUYA and tried to get it to work.

The Bug-A-Salt gun shoots salt at a bug in your house, to kill the bug. It costs $34.95 more than the traditional solution (any flat object you can hold in your hand) but comes with the added benefit of having to clean up salt when you’re done murdering your target bug.