This thousand-dollar metal device is called “The Sledgehammer.” You put a computer hard drive in it, pull the crank down, and destroy the hard drive.

It is physically identical to the Grizzly Arbor Press ($110) which is the same item, minus the brand name. It’s the same color, and hilariously, it’s not rusty, unlike The Sledgehammer.

This is a teddy bear with its head cut off and replaced by a lamp socket. It’s $130.00.

In the year 2014, you can still buy a typewriter. Since it’s not practical to use a typewriter in 2014, the manufacturer suggests you buy the $181.98, fifteen-pound machine to “share with children who have never used a good old-fashioned typewriter”, or that you simply plop it in your home as a “nostalgic conversation piece.”

This mannequin is kinda creepy at first sight, like all mannequins. But the mild creep turns to a black pit of dread when you read the review of it left by a man who bought it to display his dead fiance’s clothes… for five years.

You can now kinda turn any can into a bottle with Bottle Tops, a plastic thing that goes on a can. You could also use Snap Capps, or Bottle Top Cold Beverage, or you could put a plastic piece of shit on top of anything and make it a different thing. In 2014, words have no meaning, and no one knows what they want, but they still buy plastic to make things into other things, to make life better somehow, but it never works. We’re animals, driven by fear, plagued with doubt, tired when we’re awake, and restless while we should sleep. We’re biomass, same as the grass, same as coal, same as the plastic, and some part of each one of us will be plastic one day, in 2015, or 4015, or 300015, hooked onto a can of something terrible before it’s left at the zoo or thrown away. In this, not politics, religion, or culture, we are united. We are garbage, we make garbage, and we will be the garbage.

The Rotato is a hand-operated potato peeler, which is made of plastic and seems to always arrive broken.

If you’re a bigtime potato peeler, you’d probably be better off with this metal apple/potato peeler-slicer-corer that’s half the price of the Rotato. You could also use a regular vegetable peeler that costs less than a buck. It’s not as catchy as Rotato, though.

There is no credible evidence that foot stretchers or toe stretchers can prevent or heal injuries to the feet, including bunions, hammertoe, and plantar fasciitis. Long-term use of toe separators, toe stretchers, YogaToes, etc. to stretch the tendons in your feet may result in your toes looking more spread-apart at rest, but that doesn’t mean you’ve strengthened your feet or addressed the underlying conditions that cause pain in your feet and ankles.

Hilariously, after the success of YogaToes, the manufacturers brought out YogaHands, claiming the same benefits of separating your toes could be applied to your fingers. A good rule of thumb is that if you aren’t using your muscles to pull or push against resistance, then what you’re doing isn’t actually exercise. And if you purchase a product that claims to heal several medical conditions at the same time, you might be buying into a scam.