Monthly Archives: July 2014

“Pure” Protein


Protein contains 4 calories per gram. “Pure Protein” protein bars have 200 calories each, and 20g of protein each. So only 40% of the calories actually come from protein. I’d hate to try their “Non-Poisonous Bars”, which would only be 40% non-poisonous.

Rampaging Fuckers Of Everything


“Rampaging Fuckers Of Everything On The Crazy Shitting Planet Of The Vomit Atmosphere!” reminds me of what my middle-school friends and I used to write in the computer lab in school. We couldn’t say “fucker” or “shitting,” but in either a lack of supervision, an open-minded computer teacher, or a combination of both, it was possible to key in and print stories of people hoarding feces for an annual gathering called “Turd Fight.” We’d workshop each others’ stories, too, to maximize impact, and create dramatic tension in a four-page dot-matrix tract about a secret group who kept frogs in their asses, poking nightcrawlers into their starfish to keep the animals alive.

This book is kind of like that, but less readable, and without a child’s naughty excitement of typing “The assfrogs breathed farts to stay alive” at 9:45 in the morning on an educational computer.

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