The C-String Buckle Up is a variant on the regular C-String (a product I wrote about last year) except it’s less of an article of clothing than the C-String, if you can believe that. Blurred here due to the standards of our society, where videos of people murdering each other are okay to show to kids, but not a boob, and definitely not a dick strapped into a cage that goes up your butt.

The idea of this cat turntable is cute, but if you buy this for your cat, he will never scratch it like in that illustration. He will scratch everything else in your house, but not this toy. At best, he will piss on the cat turntable, and his urine will soak into it, giving you the choice of throwing out your $26 cat toy, or letting your home continue to reek of cat urine.

Profiting from death underpins capitalism, but it’s not usually so gross as to make a five-page book comprised entirely of a recently-deceased man’s work and charge $3.97 for it.

Scissortape is a tape dispenser and a pair of scissors, connected to each other, for the peculiar brand of “convenience” that makes both tools much harder to use.

The “Skagerak Olympic Firebowl” is a cast-iron bowl with integral stand which lets you burn wood out in your yard, or grill food. It costs over $400. It’s almost identical to the Esschert Design Low Firepot, which sells for much, much less.

The “Blowdom” is a green condom that smells like weed. Not to be confused with this bizarre combo pack of regular condoms and a card game called “Weed.”

It’s exactly like a regular sharpie, only it costs $7.48. This is almost the same price as 18 regular plastic Sharpies.