This is a piece of plywood. And this is what happens when you pester the customer who bought plywood to write a review about the plywood.

An umbrella styled to look like a sword is bad enough, and goes right along with the hoodies that look like knight’s armor I wrote about last week. But check out the photo of the “model” carrying this thing on his back. It looks exactly like who you’d imagine would want one of these.

(Thanks to @dendycrew for the suggestion.)

“Bacon Jam” is a combination of bacon, sugar, and pectin (along with a few other additives) which is meant to function as a condiment. “I wish they came in jars bigger than 8 ounces,” writes an apparent connosseur of liquid sugared pig-fat.

What do you put bacon jam on? Theoretically, vegetables, or a hamburger. But in real life, probably sticks of candied bacon or a bacon-covered chocolate twinkie.

It’s now illegal in the UK to write about or display “face sitting,” according to their new porn laws. So, non-UK residents, come sit down on Santa’s face and tell me what you want for Christmas!

Pajama Warmer is an electrically-heated bag for your pajamas. You put them in there, and then Pajama Warmer warms them up. Seems pretty simple.

But it apparently doesn’t work, with a customer noting “Failed to warm PJs even after thirty minutes in the bag.” That must have been a cold half hour.

“Tired of juggling your flashlight and spatula while you grill?” No, Grillight, I’m not. It never happens to me because I don’t grill in the middle of the night.

If it seems like the Grillight is the solution to your problem, you might want to think about your life, and ask yourself if having a lighted spatula is the true solution to the problems you have.

The grossest part of Tala Ant Egg Oil isn’t the fact that it’s made from ant eggs. Or the fact that it says “No animal ingredients,” which, if it’s actually made of ant eggs, isn’t true. It’s the fact that they suggest you “use our product on babies’ armpits or genital area.”