Monthly Archives: January 2015

X-Rated Fortune Cookies


I thought I’d take a moment to write my own x-rated fortune cookies, because these aren’t very “x-rated”, and they’re not funny. If it were up to me:

Tonight, a mysterious presence will crank you off.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a hog-crank.

You will soon embark on a magnificent journey, on a bus, so you don’t have to drive, so you can crank it.

Fortune favors the hog.

Crank the hog while it is still hot.

You can click through to see what they actually say, but I’ll warn you: mine are better.

Twerk Your Way To The Top


It’s yet another book where the author thought of the title first, and the content second. It’s stupid, but unlike “Beat Your Way To The Top,” it doesn’t suggest you masturbate while you read it, so that’s some small relief.

55 Pounds Of Creatine


Creatine is a supplement that can help your endurance capacity if you’re exercising a lot. You’re not supposed to use more than about five grams of it a day (it’s processed by your kidneys and an overdose can cause all kinds of problems) so a 55-pound barrel of creatine might be overkill.

Then again, if you’re the sort of person to buy a thousand caffeine pills at the same time, this might be right up your performance-enhancing alley.

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