Monthly Archives: July 2015

The Author Keeps Going

empress-theresa

I wrote about this book just a few months ago, pointing out how the author writes long diatribes to explain why his book is good in response to every single piece of criticism he receives. He’s still going, and has racked up over a thousand posts, lecturing commenters on why his book is a modern classic. It’s a rabbit hole of insanity, but poking your head in won’t hurt if you can keep your grip on reality.



Lester’s Sodas

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I had the misfortune of trying several of Lester’s Fixins sodas this week. The most palatable of them was the Sweet Corn soda, above, which tasted like drinking the liquid from a can of canned corn. The Coffee soda tasted like sugar-water with just a whiff of coffee in it. The Buffalo Wing soda was a sickly-sweet combination of vinegary pepper-sauce and lemon.

The worst, though, was the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda, which tasted kind of like a dog spitting some old Mr. Pibb into your mouth. It was fake-grapey, with a hint of something menacing and rotten in there somewhere that lingered for hours after I’d brushed my teeth.

I guess if you order five-dollar single bottles of soda, you don’t get what you want, but you probably get what you ask for.



Nipples for your nipples

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These are “realistic” nipple pasties, which are shaped like nipples, which you glue over your nipples so no one can see your nipples. Don’t ask me, I wasn’t the one who made graphic mass-murder OK for everyone including kids to watch on TV, but made nipples illegal forever for everyone.

Uncensored picture is on the product listing, if you don’t know what a nipple looks like. (I blurred it here since some of you have jobs.)

Coconut Oil: Not A Cure For Anything

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I’ll make this short: no, coconut oil does not cure cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. It’s non-toxic, edible, and can moisturize your skin and hair, but it doesn’t make you lose weight or modulate the response of your immune system in any significant way.

It’s by scamlord Bruce Fife, the “Natural Doctor” (not Ph.D) who also wrote a book saying that swishing coconut oil in your mouth can cure arthritis and fibromyalgia.



A Drink Made With Lemons

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I hate to break it to you, canvas wall art, but the famous drink made with lemons is lemonade. Tea is made from a plant called tea. Fucked up but true.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.