Who likes to fake-fart? To make a long story short: children, and also the Weird Uncle character you have at work. Le Tooter is for the hard-core fartfucker, whose use of Fart Machine was unsatisfactory, and found Fart Machine #2 to be more realistic, yet still not tooty enough to be convincing. A spritz of Liquid Ass, the fecal smell-spray, completes the Weird Office Uncle package.

One look at this should tell you it doesn’t work. But the manufacturer’s claim that it “works from the inside by cleansing blood” is pretty brutal.

Of course, the best scammy skin-care product, if we’re going by name alone, is the $29.95 bottle of “You Can’t Zit Here.” It claims to be powered by the imaginary natural-healing mechanism of Reiki, which, as I’ve written about before, is entirely fake and literally based on waving your hands around.

The Shotgun Champ, a product you can purchase, is not how you shotgun a beer. You punch a hole in the side of the can with literally any metal object, then pop the top and drink the foul brew through the hole in the side. I don’t personally endorse the idea, but if it’s something you want to do for personal reasons, you should at least do it in a way that doesn’t involve purchasing a shitty piece of plastic.

But at least it’s not a BottleBong, whose functionality can be replicated with a bendy-straw.

The new iPad Telepresence Robot lets you mount an iPad to a pair of wheels so you can silently scoot around your office while you’re working from home, chatting up your coworkers, or perhaps silently spying on them as they fritter your corporate profits away on Twitter.

For the boss who’s cheap enough to skip the pretense of the “social” part of remotely spying on his coworkers, the Appbot Link accomplishes the same thing for a tenth of the price, and features a camera closer to the floor, for added stealth. You can even recline the camera angle for upskirt shots, not that a shitty boss would ever demean his female employees by trying to do such a thing!

People in Ohio love to buy shit that’s shaped like Ohio. You can get an Ohio-shaped cutting board, an Ohio-shaped cookie cutter, and even a vinyl record shaped like Ohio. But this basket, sadly, is not shaped like Ohio.

This wedge-shaped inflatable pizza is being sold as a chair, but it seems designed to undermine the parenting principle of “Please just sit right in the god damned chair.” Describing it as a chair, and showing children leaning on it, laying on it, and just generally being fucking weird with the chair is about to make me have an aneurysm. I’m clicking off this now. Bye.

This set of 100 plastic pennies costs $9.21. If only there were something the size and shape of a penny, which looked like a penny, but cost less than nine cents each.

The very similar set of 100 plastic nickels is also a terrible deal, but costs almost exactly what you’d expect.

But, shit, at least kids might see these in real life, unlike this set of plastic half-dollars.