Monthly Archives: December 2016

Nothing For Christmas

nothing-gift

It’s true that the most important things in life aren’t material goods. Buying someone nothing, to make a statement on the materialism of our society, would be a decent way to make a point… if you didn’t actually spend ten bucks on a piece of plastic that says “Nothing” to do it.

The best part about this is that there are multiple versions of “Nothing,” like this hang-tag version, and you can’t blame them, really. The profit margin on selling a piece of paper and a piece of plastic has to be enormous.



The Gift Of Whatever

amazon-gift-card-2016

The snowman, smiling, says, “Here’s your Amazon Gift Card. I waited until December 23rd to get you something, but I didn’t want to drive to Best Buy.” As giftless as this gift is, if you participated in a Secret Santa this year and got one of these, you made out better than anyone else at your job and broke even on your twenty-dollar-limit by receiving $20 worth of Amazon in exchange for the $20 you spent on someone else’s mug.

After all, the most heavily-marketed Secret Santa gift I could find this year, apart from gift cards, was the Pou-Pourri Secret Santa Toilet Spray, which lets you look your coworker in the eye and wordlessly tell them that you can smell their workdumps.



The Booger Bin

booger-bin

In a world where there is no option to disposing of mucus in a sanitary fashion, The Booger Bin solves that very problem. The choice of flicking your booger out into the room you’re sitting in and wiping it inside The Booger Bin is a false dichotomy, of course, but this is a world where you can sell cotton balls at a one-billion-percent markup by calling them Snowman Poop. Anything goes, here.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.