You’re always late because your clock isn’t functional.

There’s a variant that says “Whatever, I’m always late,” and about a dozen more like it that I don’t need to link.

Mix-and-match fonts? Check.

Arrow on it for no reason? Check.

Maximum adventure value of $388.40 using the dimensions of 6x6x2.5″, hexagonal packing density of 0.9 (ignoring edges), 17.9mmx1.35mm size of a dime (coin with the highest value-per-volume), and ignoring that the inside dimensions are smaller than the exterior measurements of the box? You bet.

This childrens’ sink has reviewers angry as shit, and it’s because, as one of them notes, the price is wildly inflated due to people buying up the entire stock from local Wal-Marts and then reselling it online for four or five times the price. Fear of missing out is a great driver for capitalism, leading people to buy products and services that they don’t even particularly want. The fear of not maxing out your child’s brain stats because you didn’t get them the right toy is the main driver of product sales to pre-advertising-age children, and it’s used ruthlessly by manufacturers to push products through mother-directed publications, online and off. You will destroy your kid’s college career if you don’t enrich them with this plastic sink. If they’re out of stock you will buy it at an insane markup. Unless… you know… you don’t want them to succeed.

There are a few good ways to get secure passwords for your accounts, and while A Book Of Random Passwords fulfills the “capital and lowercase, number and symbol” architecture everyone asks for, it’s also a small, finite set of possibilities for attackers who might want to brute-force your password.

Soylent, the company that insists that eating food is an unnecessary chore and takes time away from your ability to perform work for your employer, lumbers forth with a new flavor called “Nectar.” As with all flavors of Soylent, it comes with the warning that “some consumers may find that Soylent is not easily digested.” This is probably a reference to the incident I wrote about last year, where Soylent powder and Soylent Food Bars were causing uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea in users.

Wow, these circuses freaking kick ass! And don’t even ask me about the bread! Haha, okay, well, you didn’t, but the bread owns! What can I say, I love carbs, lol! I’ve gotta have something to eat with my covfefe!!!!!!

I can’t think of a worse outcome than presenting this ring box to someone with trembling hands, telling them to open it, and then a butt comes out and it makes a fart noise.