The Worst Things For Sale

Pringles themselves are barely chips, being a reconsituted, ground mush of dried potato. Flavoring them with white chocolate is simply wrong. But it’s not the worst Pringle flavor out there, unfortunately. The honor goes to Pecan Pie Pringles, a weirdly-sweet and chemical-tasting variant of the tube-based garbagechip.

It’s always seemed strange to me that the people who are most obsessed with American patriotism, and the American flag, purchase products like this spittoon. But, hey… If you want to spit directly onto the American flag, you can do that. You want to wipe your feet on the American flag as a doormat? Be my guest. Put an American flag vibrator on your hotdog, or your hotdog bun, or your b-hole? Go for it. This is your country too, even if you disrespect the flag.

The best way to make any thing in life less fun is to add a QR code to it. And the best way to ensure that it’s not fun at all is to require you to scan a QR code in order to use it. The “Truth Or Dare QR Cups” manage to do both of these things on their way to selling twelve cents’ worth of plastic cups for the price of a board game.

This set of magnets turns your refrigerator into a Game Boy. While this is in itself is only mildly embarrassing, their attempt to suggest you stick them to your washing machine (the picture is here) is truly Nintendepressing.

This set of 100 plastic pennies costs $9.21. If only there were something the size and shape of a penny, which looked like a penny, but cost less than nine cents each.

The very similar set of 100 plastic nickels is also a terrible deal, but costs almost exactly what you’d expect.

But, shit, at least kids might see these in real life, unlike this set of plastic half-dollars.

The new iPad Telepresence Robot lets you mount an iPad to a pair of wheels so you can silently scoot around your office while you’re working from home, chatting up your coworkers, or perhaps silently spying on them as they fritter your corporate profits away on Twitter.

For the boss who’s cheap enough to skip the pretense of the “social” part of remotely spying on his coworkers, the Appbot Link accomplishes the same thing for a tenth of the price, and features a camera closer to the floor, for added stealth. You can even recline the camera angle for upskirt shots, not that a shitty boss would ever demean his female employees by trying to do such a thing!

The Shotgun Champ, a product you can purchase, is not how you shotgun a beer. You punch a hole in the side of the can with literally any metal object, then pop the top and drink the foul brew through the hole in the side. I don’t personally endorse the idea, but if it’s something you want to do for personal reasons, you should at least do it in a way that doesn’t involve purchasing a shitty piece of plastic.

But at least it’s not a BottleBong, whose functionality can be replicated with a bendy-straw.