Monthly Archives: September 2013

Cereal Milk


“Cow Wow Cereal Milk” costs $2 for an 8-ounce serving, and is designed to taste like the milk that’s left in the bottom of a cereal bowl after the cereal is gone. This is accomplished by adding sugar and artificial flavoring to the milk.

You might wonder why the manufacturer is able to label artificially-flavored sugarmilk as “organic.” The reason for this is that labeling guidelines for organic food are so loose that unless it was genetically engineered or bombarded with radiation, it still counts as organic, as far as the USDA is concerned.

Snappy Butter Burst Oil


This is a gallon of butter-flavored oil, which looks to be the same kind that’s used at the movies. What caught my eye was the reviewer who said “Have had it about 6 weeks and time to order more.”

A gallon of vegetable oil contains 30,000 calories. That means that this reviewer is either consuming 700 calories of oil daily, or 4200 calories (in one “movie night” sitting) every week.

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible


Despite its title, this book is about regular old putting the thing in the other thing. Lean back and put that thing in there. Maybe tip over this way and then the other person tips over this way to put the thing in. Go on a pillow and then the other person goes on a pillow before you put the thing in. Nothing groundbreaking. I was hoping there’d be one, just one sex position that eliminated global hunger, or just legalized weed. Nope. Not even a position to stop the universal warrantless surveillance of all American citizens. What a waste.

(The book itself, should you hit the “Look Inside” link on the listing, is not safe for work. FYI.)

Corn Poop Soap


Don’t close your browser tab! It’s not real poop! It’s soap! Soap that’s been meticulously crafted to look like a corn turd. In a dark factory somewhere across the planet, an elderly woman shaves brown and yellow scraps of soap from a large block, forming soap turds in her hands one by one, wondering who would buy a poop soap.

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