Monthly Archives: November 2013

World’s Most Expensive Rubber Band Gun

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The fun part about making rubber band guns is that you use crap that’s in your desk for free, like old pens or paperclips. This super-expensive “Devastator” rubber-band gun allows you to bypass ingenuity and fun with a large sum of money, which, if you think about it, neatly describes most aspects of our modern world.

You can buy a less egregious wooden rubber-band gun for $5.75 if you look around for a second, but again, if you might get zero-toleranced for anything that even resembles a gun, you might want to go with the pens-and-paperclips for the sake of plausible deniability.



Triangular-packed muffin pan

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The “Better Muffin Pan” is by the makers of the brownie pan with extra edges I wrote about, and it’s just about as dumbassed. For $35, you get a muffin pan that holds 12 muffins. The muffin cups are closer to each other, but it doesn’t matter, because you can fit two standard 12-muffin pans into a standard 24″ oven rack (they’re 11″ wide.) This pan is 12.4″ wide, which means you can only fit one per oven rack. It’s functionally less dense than a regular 12-muffin pan, and four times as expensive.

I have now written two separate blog articles that used basic math to debunk this company’s products. Give up Baker’s Edge! You suck at baking.

Welcome To Horneytown

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This book is written for people who can’t believe there’s a town in Newfoundland called Dildo, or that there’s a Pee Pee Township in southern Ohio, or that Louisiana has a Lake Cock. It follows “Squaw Tit To Whorehouse Meadow”, a book written four years earlier, which covered most of the same booby-poop territory. It is followed by “From Pie Town To Yum Yum”, a more recent book about the same topic. These are by three different authors, by the way.

But think about it. The words are funny! The town is really horney!! It’s Horneytown!!!! (opens container in fridge) OH MY GOD I THOUGHT THIS WAS BUTTER BUT IT’S MARGARINE AND I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



ChiliPad: A waterbed to go on your bed

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The ChiliPad seems like a good idea. It lets you selectively heat and cool two halves of your bed. It’s $399, which is a little bit insane for a bed-sized blob of water, so I read the reviews, which said:

1. It shines a bright light throughout your bedroom at night.

2. It’s supposed to go down to 46 degrees, but it heats back up to 70 as soon as you lay down on it.

3. Almost every review said that it leaks water into your bed.

4. All the leak-based reviews noted that the company wouldn’t replace the product.

 

Big Top Giant Donut Maker

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There are dozens of donut makers on the market. Some of them are kitchen tools to help you manually drop dough into hot oil. One is a “donut factory” which shoots donut dough out onto a tiny conveyor belt and drops donuts out the end. There’s even a donut maker shaped like a big donut.

But this one makes donuts that are twenty-five times larger than a regular donut. You pour donut batter into the mold and bake it in the oven. They have recipes for making a giant jelly donut, glazing your giant donut, et cetera.

A regular glazed donut has around 350 calories, which means Giant Donut has 8,750 calories. As you might imagine, one of the customer complaints is that the giant donut is not as big as the customer wanted it to be.

 






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.