A cheap bar of soap costs two bucks, and Money Soap, which has a dollar bill inside each bar, sells for $11. It’s meant to tempt children to bathe, but I think it might be a crazy idea to spend $11 to bribe your kids with a dollar for bathing. Maybe I’m the dumb one, though, and I need to invent Money Shoes. Or Money Burgers. Finish your dinner and there’s real money in that burger. You swam out of my balls and now I have to pay you to stay alive. This society is definitely functional and it makes a lot of sense, kids.

The manufacturer describes Cat’s Meow as “a cat toy your cat can’t resist.” Here is a list of other things cats can’t resist playing with:

1. String.

2. Lint.

3. Bugs.

4. Anything that’s on the floor.

5. Anything that’s not on the floor.

The “luxury version” of Monopoly allows you to spend $199.99 in real money on a game that will drive you and your family apart. The same company makes two-hundred-buck versions of Clue and Scrabble, in case your family’s still on your side after Monopoly and you want to drive them into a blinding rage by playing ZYMURGY on a triple-word.

This whiteboard has a hole in it and a lightbulb socket behind the hole, so you can “draw your own lamp.” A lamp is about ten bucks and a whiteboard is about five bucks, so unless this is the missing piece in your Pinterest-themed house, you probably don’t need to dropso much money on it.

If you’ve ever wondered how to combine the two statements “I like the Internet” and “I hate fashion,” the Nyan Cat Seatbelt Belt is your answer.

The Australian author Jasmuheen wrote this book in 1998, and continues to tour the world to advance her theory of “breatharianism,” the idea that you can use spiritual energy to replace food. Four people have died as a result of following her instructions. Despite this, her career has continued and she published her latest breatharian book last year. She even put out an album, a bizarre mélange of sitar, trip-hop drums and new-age-themed nursery rhymes read by Mother Huffer herself.

While the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can be neither created nor destroyed, it remains silent on the topic of believing a weird old lady if she tells you that you don’t need to eat food.