Bow-Lingual is a device that claims to be able to translate a dog’s barking into Japanese. Which would be useful, if it worked, and you spoke Japanese.

For those dogs who speak Hungarian, though, there is a much cheaper option.

It may be poorly written, but the horse on this doormat is right. You are bad guys.

Writing a children’s book about the Wu-Tang Clan is inappropriate to begin with, but if you read the author’s summary of the Wu-Tang Clan, it’s clear that no one involved in the process of “Hip Hop: Wu-Tang Clan” fact-checked the book or listened to the Wu-Tang Clan before publishing it. After all, even the least-knowledgeable listener would understand that Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck with.

(That second link goes to a Wu-Tang towel, by the way.)

The Pooch Power Shovel is a shit-vacuum, which is to say it has an electric motor that vacuums up dog shit. However, according to reviews, the motor isn’t powerful enough to actually do this, so in order to use it, you have to manually shovel the turds into the hole at the bottom. Like Poop Freeze, it’s another non-solution to the world’s oldest dog problem.

I can’t decide whether this stripper-sloth shower curtain or the Jeff Goldblum With A Monkey shower curtain is worse, but there’s no prize for first place, so it probably doesn’t matter.

“There, their, they’re” is the perfect gift for the person proud of passing fourth-grade english. It’s probably also fine for someone who is pumped they made it through geometry, although, obviously, this other shirt would be number one.

Banana Surprise allows you to hollow out a banana, filling it with candy or pudding. The filling-injector, which you can see at the bottom of the illustration above, bears a striking resemblance to this not-safe-for-work adult accessory.