Remember rotary-dial telephones? Now you can have one, but as a lamp. The same company offers a lamp made out of a toy safe, which is even less functional. Check out the picture and see if you can identify the critical design flaw.

The Echo Dot, like its predecessor, the Amazon Echo, uses voice recognition in a continuing bid to convince people that clicking a couple buttons on their phone or computer is “too hard” to bother with. (The reason goes, I’m sure, that people spend more when they don’t have to see the numbers or payment details in front of them.) But voice recognition, good as it is these days, still leads to problems like this:

(I found this video uncredited – if you know who created it, please let me know.)

Before you get all pissed off, Castlevania music is great, as video games go. It’s just that pressing it to vinyl seems bizarre, considering that it was digitally generated out of an old Nintendo in the first place. The same goes for the Mother 2 soundtrack on vinyl. Again, good for a game, functionally unimproved by putting on vinyl.

There are a few soundtracks for Katamari Damacy (and its sequels) which are seemingly rare, given that it’s relatively recent and made of actual music. And, sadly, the soundtrack from Toe Jam & Earl: Panic On Funkotron is apparently impossible to find for under $300. It’s great that the composers from these games are still being appreciated, but I can’t think of anything more obviously suited to selling in MP3 format.

There are 46,000 calories in this 26-pound gummy python, but, as the manufacturer notes, it’s gluten-free.

If you mean that coming up with a cutesy word for responsibilities is bullshit, then, yes, I agree with you, coffee mug. Of course, it doesn’t mean this. It means that responsibilities are bullshit, and rolling around in your own filth playing video games as an adult is bae and swag. Yassss filth.

I don’t know why you’d want a hook to hang your keys on that features Spiderman grabbing his dick. If there’s an explanation for this, it’s escaped me.

This little silicone wand, called the SIIME, vibrates, which isn’t unusual, since that’s what vibrators usually do. But the SIIME has a camera with built-in LED lights on the end, and records video which you can transfer onto your computer via USB. (Here’s a pic of what the camera end looks like.) As much as people like sexting and porn, I’m not sure a video of your cervix will be a hit.