It’s entirely possible, as the manufacturer claims, that this “electronic dictionary bookmark” was the Gift Of The Year in 2011, even though it doesn’t say who awarded the title, or what other gifts were considered. That also doesn’t explain why people are still buying it in 2021 and leaving reviews. It’s not inherently bad, except for being expensive, not containing many words, and being another piece of disposable electronic trash that will go to the landfill when it breaks. It’ll have company there with its distant cousins Password Safe (a battery-powered device that loses your passwords,) the preloaded Library Of Classics (a $99 mp3 player you can’t load with new material once you’ve listened to it,) and iPad Calculator, an iPad-shaped calculator whose buttons are styled to look like iPad apps.

Banana Surprise allows you to hollow out a banana, filling it with candy or pudding. The filling-injector, which you can see at the bottom of the illustration above, bears a striking resemblance to this not-safe-for-work adult accessory.

The Sexsall machine, which amounts to a cheap dildo mounted on a cheap reciprocating saw, reportedly also comes with sharp edges, and breaks easily. Not a quality you’d want to have in a power tool meant to be used on your most sensitive parts.

(The manufacturer’s listing has the un-pixellated picture, but you probably know what’s going on there.)

The Pooch Power Shovel is a shit-vacuum, which is to say it has an electric motor that vacuums up dog shit. However, according to reviews, the motor isn’t powerful enough to actually do this, so in order to use it, you have to manually shovel the turds into the hole at the bottom. Like Poop Freeze, it’s another non-solution to the world’s oldest dog problem.

Writing a children’s book about the Wu-Tang Clan is inappropriate to begin with, but if you read the author’s summary of the Wu-Tang Clan, it’s clear that no one involved in the process of “Hip Hop: Wu-Tang Clan” fact-checked the book or listened to the Wu-Tang Clan before publishing it. After all, even the least-knowledgeable listener would understand that Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck with.

(That second link goes to a Wu-Tang towel, by the way.)

It may be poorly written, but the horse on this doormat is right. You are bad guys.

The Sip-N-Spoon has a hole in each end, so you can drink cereal milk through your spoon, since that’s something you’ve always wanted to do. The problem with spoon-straws, which already exist, is that they’re usually disposable (like these 400-for-$10 spoon straws) because unless you run a test-tube brush through them, you’re going to be eating cereal out of a spoon that smells like spoiled milk. Using plastic one time and chucking it in the landfill isn’t a great use of resources, either, but it’s worth mentioning.

There’s also the issue that milk dribbles out of the hole in the spoon end as you’re trying to get the cereal to your mouth, and the spoon is thicker than a normal spoon, so it’s like trying to eat cereal off a spatula. But that’s life in the world of consumer goods, where dumping cereal into a bowl of milk is now a painful task we must endure and only made feasible through plastic products, like Obol, a trough-sized double-bowl that lets you keep your cereal and milk separated while you eat it.