The Worst Things For Sale

Forktula is a spatula you attach to your fork, so you can, in the manufacturer’s words, “lick your plate in public.” They have, unfortunately, done nothing to address the problem of attaching the end of a spatula to a fork in public, and using it to scrape food residue into your mouth.

This block of rubber is meant to let you simulate squeezing pus out of pimples. It’s refillable, just like the slightly more-expensive product it’s knocking off, Pop It Pal.

The LitterMaid, a self-cleaning litter box, would be a great idea. Except that it doesn’t work at all. It has over 300 negative reviews, stating that the motor’s too weak, the replaceable parts are too expensive, and the tines on the shit-rake break off easily when they try to clean your cat’s turds.

If you’re looking for a solution to having a sandy box of cat turds in your house, you might skip the LitterMate and the PetZoom (a plastic patch of astroturf) and just teach your cat to crap in the regular toilet.

Playing cards, which have traditionally been printed in contrasting colors to allow them to be used in games, are now available in monochrome, to make them impossible to use in card games. It’s the innovation we’ve all been waiting for.

At least they aren’t made out of plywood.

Picture Keeper Pro is a 32GB USB drive. It’s packaged with backup software, which your computer already has, and, at least at the time I’m writing this, it’s about eight times more expensive than a regular 32GB USB drive.

Claiming that adding a handful of tumbled rocks to a bottle of water “structures” the water, the manufacturers of the VitaJuwel Gemwater bottle charge up to $330 each. In a classic example of “framing,” the less-expensive ($98) Gemwater bottles seem like a bargain next to the pricier ones.

You might think, based on the name, that Twerk Pong would involve some sort of back-and-forth, but it doesn’t. To play, you and another person tie cardboard boxes to your asses and see who can shake the balls out of the box fastest. The end.