If you’ve been wondering what’s worse than Perfect Polly, the fake bird that turns its head and chirps, the answer is Polly The Insulting Parrot. It’s triggered by sound and says things like “I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck.” There’s definitely a demographic in this world for a toy that screams “fuck” and “tits” through a tiny speaker, but I’m guessing you’re not in it, if you can read well enough to get this far into a paragraph.

Magical oils are usually pretty bad overall, but I challenge you to find worse than Road Opener, a magic oil you use to reduce the amount of traffic while you’re driving.

The answer, sadly, is yes. The “26.2″ you see on cars (in magnet form here), which is the length in miles of a standard marathon, was trademarked in 2008. It’s registered as a “standard character mark,” meaning that you cannot print the number 26.2 in any form on athletic wear (including shoes) or car stickers/magnets without violating the trademark.

I could spend all day in the “numbers that are illegal to use” rabbit hole, so I’ll leave you with just one more: NASCAR has a registered trademark for the number 3.

“This Is Not A Product,” says the seller of this item, and I guess that’s fair enough.

Some light from m’lamp, m’lady?

“The creamy beverage she feeds to dominant older men is flowing from her buxom chest,” reads part of the book description, and that’s probably all you need to decide whether or not you want to use the “Look Inside” link to read more of this book.

The author, Jezebel Divelle, is also the author of “The Dairy Diet,” which means exactly what you think it does, most likely.

Hunting animals with a bow makes sense, since it’s quiet, and won’t scare off other animals in the area when you shoot. But the Airow, a ridiculously-priced bow with a tube you can load with paintballs, doesn’t make a lot of sense. It sounds a loud “PTONG” when you fire, and other paintball players know you’re trying to shoot them, so it’s not like they’re going to wander around eating leaves until you do.