The Worst Things For Sale

According to this customer, you can scooch down an entire mountain in this product.

Sure, why not. Here you go.

This item, listed as 275 gallons of personal lubricant, seems like a joke, mainly because of the price.

Maybe it’s not a joke, but there’s no way any of us could buy it and find out. Maybe it’s a way to trick blogs like this into marketing their product. I don’t know! I don’t care. People want to read this, say “haha, lube” and scroll on down to pants that make it look like you shit yourself and are wearing the shitty pants.

Saffron is, biologically speaking, the dried stigmas of the crocus flower. It’s orange in color and used culinarily for its color and scent. It contains small amounts of terpenes and other organic compounds (like safranal) which are weak antioxidants and mild anticonvulsants, but as you might imagine, saffron extract does not cause a person’s appetite to be diminished. Nor does it cause thermogenesis (the most common pharmaceutical method of weight-loss.)

Like many of the supplement fads of the past few years, it was pushed by Dr. Oz, a television doctor who is paid by supplement companies to promote their products. Dr. Oz has also been directly responsible for the Garcinia Cambogia fad/scam, promoting it heavily in 2012 despite widespread scientific studies showing it has no appetite-suppression or thermogenesis-promoting properties.

Before garcinia, Dr. Oz promoted green coffee-bean extract and raspberry ketones as weight-loss supplements. No peer-reviewed study has proven that either of these supplements induce weight loss, either.

Given the fact that Dr. Oz has a history of promoting homeopathy in addition to one weight-loss scam after another, it only stands to reason that he’s published a book called “You: The Owner’s Manual,” a book that tells you how to be healthier and younger. It’s a #1 New York Times bestseller. It has sold over a million copies.

Cool.

This little packet of crap includes a deed to a square foot of land in Scotland, supposedly giving you the right to be called “Lord,” and granting you ownership. Unfortunately, this practice is explicitly outlawed in Scotland, meaning that your deed is meaningless. Not that any rational person would want to call himself Lord, anyway.

It’s good to know that in this age of energy-consciousness and growing awareness of climate change and air pollution, you can still purchase a $300+ gas-powered blender. There’s even a knock-off called The Daquiri Whacker, which, improbably, seems an order of magnitude less safe than the Tailgator.

This company has figured out how to sell a set of cardboard boxes as a “prank” for over sixty bucks.